Happiness

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” The problem is most people are unable to distinguish between what would genuinely make them happy and what is only superficial. They may take a stab at it but when the desired feeling is no longer there, they move on to something else. I used to think it was the finer things in life or even true love, but today I realize happiness comes from knowing who I am, what I stand for and where I’m headed.

There are many things I know about myself. For instance, I was born in 1974 and I have dark brown eyes, but those are not the things that make me who I am. My character, good and bad, defines my true self. Your character never lies. I am a Type Two personality, better known as the “Helper”. At church I help with the food bank and organize caroling to families at Christmas, but I’ve found that the most joy comes from helping others that have been affected by someone else’s drinking. I belong to Al-Anon which is a nonprofit organization that helps the friends and family members of alcoholics. I grew up in an alcoholic home and then went on to marry an alcoholic. If it wasn’t for Al-Anon, I would have continued in my cycle of self-destruction. As new comers sit in the meetings engulfed in pain, I can offer hope in my words. I share with them that I too have been through devastating events. When I first came through those doors, I spent my days wallowing in self-pity and despair, but today I have serenity, joy, gratitude and a better life than I thought possible. I’ve heard it said that you have to give it away to keep it. That’s how I help people. I’m real with them. I share my experience, strength, hope and let God handle the rest. I’m trustworthy, honest and kind but even more so towards myself. I know that I must first be there for myself before I can be there for anyone else. This is who I am and it’s a lesson I began learning early in life.

As the oldest of four children and my first sibling being born when I was already nine, responsibility became the code word for my life. Fortunately, I quickly learned how to delegate. It was often my duty to baby-sit, make meals, clean house and keep up with homework. As you can imagine, this left scarcely any time for me. I could plainly see something had to be done, so I plotted out age appropriate tasks for each child to accomplish before our parents arrived home. In return, they received a previously agreed upon award. I still managed most of the load but every little bit helped. I was astonished when they began taking pride in their work, excelling at their tasks and even pleading to help. This is still a tool I use today with my children. I believe that if you give someone the opportunity to do great things, support and encourage them, you will witness a miracle unfold right before your eyes. I stand for that miracle within each and every one of us.

My most cherished miracle comes to me in the form of words. I’m a Linguistic learner which to me means I enjoy anything and everything that has to do with words. I love all languages, word games, speaking, reading but a true love affair takes place when I write. It’s as if the words consume me, taking me to fantastic places to meet new interesting friends and have glorious adventures. I breathe, eat, sleep and dream story after magnificent story. I’ve written for newspapers, school papers and of course my family but one day I hope to write a book. That’s where I’m headed. It’s the one thing I’ve always known. I take in every experience, every moment and add it to my collection of vivid memories in hope that it will become a character, place or event in a far away fairy tale, murderous mystery or gory ghost story. Writing isn’t about money, fame or even notoriety. It’s about giving a piece of me to the world so that someone may be moved by my words. After I’m gone it’s my words that will carry on. Maybe they will make someone laugh, inspire a whole generation, or just simply remind them of me. After all, look at how four simple words affected our nation when Martin Luther King Jr. stated, “I have a dream….”

      It was the simple words that began my journey of self-knowledge—words like pen, paper, blood, sweat, tears, searching, fearless, hashing it out, coming to terms, honest appraisal and willingness to change. When it was all wiped away, there I was in black and white. Some would ask if the journey was worth it. To them I would say it is worth everything. Knowing who I am has brought me great peace and opportunity for growth. Knowing what I stand for has given me strength in the face of horrifying tragedy and daily living. Knowing where I’m headed has driven me to preserver and inspired me to expose myself fully to the world so that it may see into my soul and experience my most intimate thoughts. I choose the journey; I choose happiness.